As if there was anyone out there who didn't already know this.

It's funny how time tends to make all things look better with this haze of selective memory.  I find myself looking fondly back on high school days when all I had to worry about was doing well in school and avoiding the various cliques that defined the school.  What's so funny about that?  Well, high school sucked.  I hated it.  I couldn't wait to get out.  I was miserable and frustrated with the banal crap all around me.  So what makes it all so attractive?

I had TIME.  I had time to do whatever I wanted.  I didn't work 16 hour days.  I didn't have to worry about paying the bills or anything.  It was all take care of for me.  I had it pretty good as a teenager.  Yeah the usual things sucked, but I was fairly pampered materially.  It's a sharp contrast to the way things are now.  And in all honesty I wouldn't trade it for anything, because I like my life.

But I do still miss the days when I didn't have to worry about work.  I could just kick back and play all the video games I wanted, or read all day.  I miss the days when I had time to write all day if I wanted to or the muse hit me.

Now I have to schedule everything into my day, all the way down to eating and when I forget to schedule in eating?  Trust me it doesn't happen.  Not that I can't afford to miss a few meals, lol.  But it's still kind of a pain in the arse to have myself so regimented.  I don't know when I stopped being a free spirited, fly by the seat of my pants girl, but somewhere I lost that.  Now I need to strictly monitor every second of my day.  I find myself wondering where I'm going to fit in the 30 mins a day I need to work out cause my ass is getting fat, or where I'm going to carve out an hour a day to write for real and not a blog (although that really needs some doing too, so there's another 15 mins a day) and not writing for Zam. 

It makes me want to run away and join the circus sometimes.  Then I remember that I'm terrified of clowns and so incredibly clumsy the only thing I'd be good for is mucking out animal cages... Then I decide that working isn't that bad after all.  * gag *  I've mucked animal stalls.  It's smelly and dirty.  And since I tend to get cranky if my hotel doesn't have room service... I'm thinking that smelly and dirty isn't something I'd be happy with on a daily basis.

What the hell does this have to do with anything even remotely important?

Not a whole lot really.  Just something that was poking around in my mind and I felt like jotting down.  It's also part of my resolution to really update this damned thing on a regular basis. 

I'm going to go try and figure out how to subsist on like four hours of sleep a night...  Maybe that'll help me squeeze everything in!

I'm exhausted, but gods it was well worth it.

I've been in a frantic tizzy the last few weeks, trying to catch up and prepare for SOE's Winter Summit. I know, right? They invited me?

There's obviously a lot of things I can't talk about what with signing away Radar's soul in the NDA and all that, but nonetheless there was some seriously groovy stuff that went down.

We got to talk to the Customer Service peeps. That was nice. A couple of my pet issues with CS were covered. Namely: Gold sellers and all that entails. While we all know that they work on it, it's hard to remember this when we don't see a whole lot of flag waving from them about it.

And now I know why. It seems more than 30% of what they deal with everyday is in relation to finding gold sellers and tracking through all the contacts they make with people to get rid of as many accounts as they can. We're talking tens of thousands a week.

Those are some serious numbers. As much as I'd love for them to shove numbers in our faces every week with how many of these folks they've gotten rid of, I'm content without that now. The CS team did say they were going to try and post more frequent updates on the Station Blogs about these issues, so keep an eye out!

We got to see a lot of future plans for expanding our community and player base. Can't really say a whole lot about that, other than I think it's an incredible idea and should really see some great returns.

They showed us gameplay footage from Free Realms. I'll be throwing up a write up about that on Zam.

I wish I could talk about The Agency. All I can say is that it looks like it's going to be REALLY FUCKING COOL!!!!

In the end, I just really wish that everyone could experience quality time with the entire team. Devs, Community, CS... Everyone. I think it'd really give people a hell of an appreciation for what really goes into making these games we love to play.

More when I've slept!

Whilst I have not yet finished the migration of posts over to the new blog, it's time to start posting again.  Mostly because it's my way of pretending that I'm not really as busy as I am.

Beyond the obvious of working and trying to wrestle in the time to finish moving posts, there's the whole poking poor Ariven and going wow, I'd like this and this and this and some of this for the blog!!!  And him just sort of looking at me... 

At any rate, today's rant is on a subject most definitely not appropriate for posting on the official job related writing platform.  The other day, Coyote did an article about why he doesn't like "gamer gurlz."  There was a lot of hubbub about it, but really?  He was right.  The "gurlz" from the site he used as an example emerged en masse to defend themselves, but they really kind of missed the point.

See, the thing is, there really isn't as much of the whole "boys club" in games as people like to think.  Chances are, if you're running into issues as a female in a game, it's cause you're running around cramming your tits down everyone's throat and demanding to be treated specially cause you're "Zomgz!! A real life FEMALE!!"  Which is frankly the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard in my life.  Because the same people who demand to be treated differently cause they're different sit there and bitch when they get treated differently cause they're "just as good as the guy gamers and should be treated the same way." 

There's no winning with these stupid bints.  Trust me honey, if you're having problems in game, it isn't cause you're a chick.  It's cause you're a frelling moron.

I confess to being a total flake now and then and getting a little too caught up in the movie I'm watching and thereby inadvertently playing the tank in the red game, but I'm actually a damn good player.  Not cause I have tits, but just cause I'm good at my class.

The very idea of segregating women onto their own little girl power sites just exacerbates things.  You don't want to be discriminated against?  Then stop holding yourself separate and demanding that people cater to you because you're different.  You want to be part of the gang?  BE part of the gang.  Get involved with sites that cater to GAMERS.  Just gamers. 

It's the internet.  No one cares if you're female, male, black, yellow, orange, or missing body parts.  They care that you play the game well or not.  They care if you act like a twit or like a human being.  Holding yourself apart and telling people to treat you like everyone else cause you're a girl is ridiculous.  The very act of holding yourself separate and declaring your gender automagically belies your assertion you want to be just another gamer.  Cause if you did, you wouldn't feel the need to slap people in the face with your mammaries.

That's something I've really never understood.  Maybe I'm a really bad feminist.  I have no idea.  But here's the thing.  Men and women ARE different.  Men can do things women can't.  Women can do things men can't.  We're not equal.  I couldn't lead a raid to save my life.  Not cause I don't have the skill, but because I'd just get bored trying to herd that many cats.  I'd get pissed off at everyone running around with their thumbs up their butts.  So let a guy who has the desire to do it knock himself out.  Or a chick.  I don't care who, as long as they do it well.  And that right there, is the beauty of gaming.  Cause a huge portion of the people you run into are going to feel the same way.  If you do it well they'll respect you for it.  If you're a giant spaz, they're gonna mock you til you cry.

I don't make a big deal out of the fact that I'm female.  I do my thing and if it comes up it does.  It inevitably does cause I'm myself and that ends up being fairly on the girlie side...  But I accept that.  I don't try to be other than who and what I am.  That doesn't mean I haven't had my share of creeps on the internet, but then that's everywhere.  It isn't a matter of my being female and people knowing.  It's a matter of people are jerks and there are some severely lonely people out there with no people skills.  You put them in their places, kindly if possible and brutally if not.  Then you move on.

We don't NEED to have sites set up just for us to usher us into the gaming world.  We don't need to be coddled and have our hands held.  A good many of us find it offensive.  I feel like it's a bunch of women shoving me back 10 steps for every 3 I take forward.  Cause yeah, the gaming industry is predominately male.  But it's changing.  And it isn't changing cause we shove our boobs in their faces and make them treat us specially... It's changing cause we're earning respect for what we can do, not what we have.  The more women out there making a big deal out of it causes those of us who aren't making a big deal out of it to be viewed differently, though. 

That being said... I can see the side of the women who think they need support from their sisters.  And good for you... But don't even pretend that it's a way to forward a cause.  It isn't.  It's just another way to segregate yourselves and draw attention away from ability and take it right back to boobs.  It's about attention. 

You're on the ultimate equalizer.  People can't see you, they can only see what you can do.  Why the hell would you shoot yourself in the foot by bringing sex or race or anything else into it?  Shine on your own abilities. 

I wish I could say there was something profound and life changing about it.

But yeah. Not really. Today is just like any other day. I don't feel wiser or old or anything else that is supposed to be attached to the mystical 3-0. Just isn't blowing my skirt up.

I may very well be defective.

On the other hand... In the month or so preceding my induction into the land of grown ups (yeah, right) I have come to the decision that it's time to stop messing around and go back to school so I can get a real job. Cause this working for 15$ an hour crap is old.

I've also been giving serious thought to my love life. Or perhaps lack thereof. It isn't that I don't know what I want. I do. I'm actually quite thoroughly and completely certain of what I want... It's now a matter of getting the courage worked up to do something about it.

So... yeah. 30 is really no big deal. Maybe 40 will be...

It's labour day and the kiddos are back in school.

I always had to go to school on my birthday because it oh so conveniently fell after labour day. Such a freaking bummer.

As I stare straight into the face of 30, I'm looking back at my life and wondering how the hell I made it this far. Then I wonder what the hell I've done and come up with the answer: Not enough.

So it's time for some changes. I'm going to go back to school (or try, at least cause there's no law says they have to take me) and get an advanced degree and actually start doing something with my life. I think I've screwed around at this whole work a job I don't like and barely get by thing far long enough. It's time to get serious.

So I'll be leaving behind childish things... Except for games. And maybe I'll hang onto that whole soulmate thing too...

There are people in this world, who for whatever reason, are giant dickwads (for want of a better word). I'm not sure if they mean to be or if they just can't conceive of how they come across to others.

You all know the people I mean. You've run across someone who can take the most innocuous and simple thing and make it offensive and condescending all at once. Someone who, no matter how hard you try, you cannot help but to despise.

The worst thing about these people is that they are convinced of their own superiority. They don't realize that their attitude of perfection makes them abhorrent to others. They don't realize that their puling little demands for respect and recognition make them a laughing stock. They are so certain that everyone else recognizes their genius that they can't understand how incredibly hateful they really are.

Even worse than that, though, are the people who suck up to these odious pieces of crap. The people who, for whatever reason, buy into the bullshit. Either they've fallen prey to the flattery and general butt licking dished out by these parasites to those they see as being in a position of power and therefore able to advance them or they just flat out are too stupid to understand that these people are only superior in their own minds.

My tolerance for people such as this has dropped to being almost completely non-existent. That will happen when you've been married to one for almost all of your adult life and had to be put down and trampled on because you were never good enough for them in all their shining glory. It's absolutely repugnant to me that anyone can really treat another human being... or hell an animal... or any living thing with so much contempt. I honestly think there's something mis wired in their brains. I pray it isn't genetic and can't be passed on. Cause that's one genetic anomaly that needs to die right the hell out.

I don't get why I can't have groovy mutant powers but people can be ginormous assholes. Freaking unfair life * grumble *